Family of Two

Family of Two:

The Struggles And Advantages Of Being A Single Parent To A Child With Special Needs

By Carolyn M. King

Being a single parent to a special needs child, I have experienced both challenges and accomplishments, not only in my son’s road towards Sensory Integration, but as a family of two. As a single mother, I have a lot of ground to cover. I take on the role of mother and father which I will now refer to as “parent’.

Is it harder being a single parent? Sometimes.

I think of all of the difficulties that it brings...

Grocery shopping on your lunch hour because you cannot take your child with you in fear of the constant meltdowns.
Always having to be the one to stay home with a sick child can take a toll on you. Having to be up all night with your child and then have to work the next day, just to do it all over again the next day.
Thinking... when will I ever get a break from parenting.
Why will no one baby sit my child?
Will this ever get easier?

I would not say it gets easier, per se, as each day brings on more challenges. Just when you think you have things figured out a new issue surfaces. You are faced with another hurdle to conquer. The sacrifices that you make in your personal life can be frustrating.

While it is hard I make compromises and though it is stressful, I create distractions and goals for each day in an effort to bring peace and harmony into the home. Seeing Colton’s actions in public might give you the impression that I am a less than adequate parent, which I assure you that I am not. Often time’s people fail to see the hidden reason for why my son appears to have behavior problems. People really would have a hard time understanding what I go through each day. It’s hard for any parent single or not.

You just have to do what you can, for that day, and get through it to the best of your ability. I find that keeping a schedule helps us both tremendously. A positive attitude and fun loving nature is what I have found most helpful. Relieve the stress, so that each day is more tolerable. Many a time I have quietly gone into my bedroom, closed the door and screamed into my pillow. After which I can then deal with the problem a bit easier.

What is the positive side to single parenting? You are in charge of parenting. No fighting over life decisions. A quiet and calm home front can be a huge benefit to a child with Sensory Processing Dysfunction. You can drop your plans at a moments notice to accommodate your child, when they need you to help them feel better. I have learned patience that I never knew I had and have grown tremendously as a person.

Is he a lonely child? No, he is not lonely; he has me, and extended family as well as friends. An active schedule meets all the social needs. School, after school care, Tae Kwon Do are just some examples of accommodating social interactions with other peers.

Now, let's talk about father figures. Well you can have uncles, grandfathers, special friends and so on to make up for the deficiencies. Colton is a happy child, for the most part, and as well adjusted as he can be. So, I do feel that I have covered the “parent” responsibility.

My advice to single parents is not to look at this as a negative situation, but rather as a great opportunity to prove you are a strong and capable person who has been ultimately blessed to share life with a very special person…your child.